Weirdly: adv. In a strikingly odd or unusual manner
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21-06-2008-Bad Drivers

WARNING: Pissed Off Cyclist WARNING: This blog was written while very irate. Vulgarities ahoy!

I've said on multiple occasions that there are a lot of bad drivers on the road who who lack the mental capacity to understand that cyclists belong there too. For a long time, I've had a gem of a story that exemplifies the stupidity of bad drivers.

It was about five years ago when I was driving down one of the busier streets of Ottawa (Walkley Road). I was in the right lane, and keeping to the right side of it, when an idiot pulled up in a rusty bucket on wheels and yelled out, "get your act together and drive on the sidewalk". The sheer stupidity of that line would make most people wonder if this guy had the brain power to spell "IQ", but he conclusively answered that about 30 seconds later. At that point, we were approaching an intersection, him ahead of me. He was turning right and I was going straight through, so as is required by law, I took the rightmost straight through lane (the one to his left). At that point, he stopped his car, blocking the turning lane, and got out to pick a fight. I almost wish his passenger hadn't pulled him back into the car, as I was in much better shape than he was.

As of today however, I now have a better example of bad drivers - and all around bad people - on the road. Last night I was riding around the streets of London Ontario, minding my own business, when a wax paper cup full of pop and ice went flying past my head. At that point some retarded teenagers in their daddy's SUV went flying past me hooting something.

Now, normally, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a very passive, live-and-let-live kind of guy. In this case though, I was pissed off. I was god damned royally "rip their fucking ears off and shove 'em up their asses" pissed off. Lucky for me (or perhaps unlucky, depending on your take on the matter), they pulled up to a red light after flying by, so I was able to pull up in the right lane - directly beside them.

At that point, I looked at the pipsqueak of a pimple factory in the passenger seat (the culprit who threw the cup), welled up a big-ass hork of booger, and spat in his face. It wasn't just a little ball of saliva either. It was a nice big digusting spray all over the front seats. I'm fairly certain I got all three of the little fuckers.

In retrospect, this is where I make a mistake. I took off on my bicyle at that point. I should instead have stayed exactly where I was, and waited for the little soap-bar-hole-fuckers to do something about it. I did take off though, and that was where the chase began. I very quickly hung a right on to the intersecting street, with another car coming up close, forcing the brats to stay one car back. I took up the whole lane to ensure that buffer stayed there, and then hung a fast right on to another street after a stop sign. By the time those lame-ass fuckers got around the corner I was about thirty metres ahead of them. I then took a sharp right as they gunned to catch up with me, forcing them to slam the breaks and squeal their tires around the bend.

At this point, it was a longish straight street with no near exit. They were maybe twenty metres behind me when they squealed around the corner, so I decided to slow down, letting them catch up. Once they were about five metres back, I sharply swerved into a driveway on the right, dodging another projectile that they threw out the passenger window. I then turned around and went in the opposite direction. I could see they were maybe two hundred metres down the street and turning around as I took a right around the bend.

I then took the next right turn, and was down at the other end of the block when I saw them turn on to it after me. Then, after two lefts, and another right, I could see them gunning the engine to catch up again, maybe thirty metres back. Ahead of me though, the road was closed for construction, and only the left turn ahead was available. I got within a few metres of that intersection when they caught up again, hurling several items out the window. They missed me for the most part though (with the exception of a minor bump against my elbow), and at that point I was able to loose them by hopping up on the sidewalk of that closed street - going where they could not.

And that was the end of my big adventure yesterday. I do believe though, with my 20/20 hind vision, I should have done things differently. As I said before, the chase could have been avoided altogether if I had simply spat in the little fucker's eye, and waited for him to step out of the vehicle. Or perhaps after that pursuit, I should have tried to get their license plate number, and spoken to the police. That being said, I think I'll just start carrying a bat, and if I ever meet those little fuckers again...

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